"Sometimes I thought it would be better if he killed himself"
Mrs. A., how did you find out?
She: It started in 2006. My husband was at work, and the cops came to the door.
He: Until that day, it was my secret.
What was your secret?
He: There were fifty thousand pictures on my PC. Child pornography. Not all hardcore. Some just nudes. A potpourri.
How did you react, Mrs. A?
She: I couldn’t believe it. I said, Those are kids! What were you thinking! They aren’t doing that for fun, they’re being forced!
How long have you been married?
She: Almost thirty years.
It must be liked the world turned upside down. You think you know the most intimate details about a person, and then this.
She: Suddenly he’s a stranger. And you ask yourself, Wasn’t I good enough? As though he had slept around. You ask, why does he think he needs this?
But child pornography is a lot different from adultery!
She: Obviously, and when I thought about what must have happened to those kids, it was horrible for me.
You have a job. You could have left home.
She: But we’ve gone through so much together. Good things, too. We’ve made a life with each other.
Didn’t you wonder whether the pictures were the whole story?
She: Of course! Was it only pictures from the internet? Was there anything going on in the real world? I asked our children, and they said nothing had ever happened. And he certainly didn’t hang around playgrounds. Of course you don’t really know.
He: I liked staying at home in the basement where there was peace and quiet …